THE SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE

(Excerpt from Pope John Paul II, Visit to England and Wales, October 1982)

In a marriage a man and a woman pledge themselves to one another in an unbreakable alliance of total mutual self-giving. A total union of love.

Love that is not a passing emotion or temporary infatuation, but a responsible and free decision to bind oneself completely, "in good times and in bad," to one's partner. It is the gift of oneself to the other.

It is a love to be proclaimed before the eyes of the whole world. It is unconditional. To be capable of such love calls for careful preparation from early childhood to wedding day. It requires the constant support of Church and society throughout its development.The love of husband and wife in God's plan leads beyond itself and new life is generated, a family is born. The family is a community of love and life, a home in which children are guided to maturity.

Marriage is a holy sacrament. Those baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus are married in his name also. Their love is a sharing in the love of God. He is its source. The marriages of Christian couples, today renewed and blessed, are images on earth of the wonder of God, the loving, life-giving communion of Three Persons in one God, and of God's covenant in Christ, with the Church. Christian marriage is a sacrament of salvation. It is the pathway to holiness for all members of a family. "The Holy Family of Nazareth is truly the "prototype" of every Christian family which, united in the Sacrament of Marriage and nourished by the Word and the Eucharist, is called to carry out the wonderful vocation and mission of being the living cell not only of society but also of the Church, a sign and instrument of unity for the entire human race." ~ Pope Benedict XVI (on the Feast of the Holy Family 2007)

     Marrying Someone of a Different Religion

Until recent decades, the idea of a Catholic marrying outside the faith was practically unheard of, if not taboo. Such weddings took place in private ceremonies in the parish rectory, not in a church sanctuary in front of hundreds of friends and family.

Well over 40 percent of couples married in the Catholic Church are of “mixed” religion.

These days, an increasing number of people marry across religious lines. More than 40 percent of couples married in the Catholic Church are of “mixed” religions, according to theologian Robert Hater, author of the 2006 book, “When a Catholic Marries a Non-Catholic.”

Because of the challenges that arise when a Catholic marries someone of a different religion, the church doesn’t encourage the practice, but it does try to support interfaith couples and help them prepare to meet those challenges with a spirit of holiness. “To regard mixed religion marriages negatively does them a disservice,” Hater writes. “They are holy covenants and must be treated as such.”

A marriage can be regarded at two levels - whether it is valid in the eyes of the church and whether it is a sacrament. Both depend in part on whether the non-Catholic spouse is a baptized Christian or a non-baptized person, such as a Jew, Muslim or atheist. If the non-Catholic is a baptized Christian (not necessarily Catholic), the marriage is valid as long as the Catholic party obtains official permission from the diocese to enter into the marriage and follows all the stipulations for a Catholic wedding.

A marriage between a Catholic and another Christian is also considered a sacrament. In fact, the church regards all marriages between baptized Christians as sacramental, as long as there are no impediments.

“Their marriage is rooted in the Christian faith through their baptism,” Hater explains.  In cases where a Catholic is marrying someone who is not a baptized Christian - known as a marriage with disparity of cult - “the church exercises more caution,” Hater says. A “dispensation from disparity of cult,” which is a more rigorous form of permission given by the local bishop, is required for the marriage to be valid.

The union between a Catholic and a non-baptized spouse is not considered sacramental. However, Hater adds, “Though they do not participate in the grace of the sacrament of marriage, both partners benefit from God’s love and help [grace] through their good lives and beliefs.”

The Celebration of Marriage in the Roman the Roman Catholic Church

The celebration of the liturgy in the church is an important aspect of the planning that is involved in advance of a wedding day.  Although one might witness a marriage in a number of different places, including other Christian Churches and even on television, it must be remembered that the Church embraces specific parameters and has a long tradition with respect to how the sacraments are celebrated in the Roman Catholic Church.  The Sacrament of Marriage is no different in this regard. 

Father Ballard will provide a comprehensive list of information which will guide a couple in planning the liturgy.  The selection of appropriate music, readings, decoration are all matters that must be worked out well in advance in order to avoid potential problems.  If you are planning to get married in a Roman Catholic Church and have some unique liturgical items in mind, it is best to speak with your priest to see if these items are appropriate for a church wedding.

The issue of inter-faith marriages provides a unique case in point.  Because Catholics regard marriage as a sacred event, the church prefers that interfaith couples marry in a Catholic church, preferably the Catholic party’s parish church. If they wish to marry elsewhere, they must get permission from the local bishop. He can permit them to marry in the non-Catholic spouse’s place of worship or another suitable place with a minister - if they have a good reason, and in accordance with the Code of Canon Law and Diocesan Norms. This permission is called a “dispensation from canonical form.” Without it, a wedding not held in a Catholic church is not considered valid.

It’s popular, and acceptable, for an interfaith couple to invite the non-Catholic spouse’s minister to be present at the wedding. But it’s important to note that, according to canon law, only the priest may officiate at a Catholic wedding. A minister may offer prayers or a scripture reading, but he or she may not officiate or preside at a joint ceremony.

According to Hater, church policies generally recommend that interfaith weddings not include Communion, therefore, most interfaith weddings take place outside of Mass.

“The reception of Communion is a sign of unity with the ecclesial community,” he explains. “On a wedding day, the fact that one-half of the congregation does not belong to the Catholic community [and, hence, does not receive Communion] cannot be a sign of welcome or unity on a couple’s wedding day.” It might be “likened to inviting guests to a celebration and not allowing them to eat,” he adds.

It must be remembered that the issue of whether a celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage in the Roman Catholic Church includes Mass or not, is not an issue of quality or superiority.  For the Mass to be celebrated in a Wedding between two Roman Catholics is the norm.  This fact does not make it a "better wedding" than one between a Roman Catholic and a person of another faith, outside of Mass.  The primary focus of celebration is the Bond that unites husband and wife in Marriage, in keeping with and taking into account particular circumstances.

  CatholicWeddingHelp.com is a very useful website that provides numerous suggestions and guidelines about the celebration of marriage in the Roman Catholic Church.  Speak to your priest or deacon to confirm your selections.

Marriage Preparation

Engaged couples in the Diocese of Pembroke must initiate marriage preparation with their parish priest at least 6 months (one year is the common practice) prior to the intended wedding date - even if the wedding will take place in another diocese.    Engaged couples are required to participate in a Marriage Preparation Program whether it takes place in the Diocese of Pembroke or elsewhere.  

Further information concerning upcoming Marriage Preparation programs in the Diocese of Pembroke are available after your initial meeting with Father Ballard.

 Previous Marriage

 The Wedding Feast of Cana

It is most important to note the following: if there has been a previous marriage concerning the engaged couple, it is strongly recommended that they speak to a priest or a deacon long before any plans are made.  Many mistakenly believe that this applies only to members of the Roman Catholic Church.  This is a common error.  If the Roman Catholic party or a Christian of another Christian church or an unbaptized person has been married previously, do not book any halls or dates without first speaking to a priest or deacon.

The parish cannot be responsible for plans that have been made without the appropriate prior consultation.